monday squat

back squat
6 singles with 375 and chains
-6th single twisted like crazy, and I think I just ran out of energy before the weight got challenging, I could have done it for a while

Still no heart in my training, it's just killing me to go through the motions the way I am, but I just can't get things going. I'm still drained, and 5th gear is just a million miles away right now. I did triples on the way up, I felt good, got into position with a plate, couldn't get depth with just bar and chains, even then 135 couldn't push me down. My form was in the right places, stayed on my heels fairly well tonie, got my adistars, and I find the heel is lower than other shoes and that seems to work for me, I've always prefered flatter shoes, but switched on Willies advice and just stuck with it. Willie would approve of these shoes, and i find them a bit like a teeter totter, my toes almost come off the ground if I can do it right. They also have really good arch support compared to do wins that are just flat. My toes tend to point more straight ahead, and I find I use my glutes much more because of that, compared to do wins where I feel that i use way more quad and keep my knees out a bit more to stay upright, whereas in the adistars I feel I can just sit back onto my heels, and I go much deeper and my glutes help me to get out of the hole along with my quads.

I was pretty excited to train, but it just wasn't there. I think I'm just going to have to sneak up on it, and it's like anything over 80% I need some psyche, maybe even 75%, and the weights I've sort of screwed up my ability to do reps. I'm just going to have to work on it, and i made a few changes in form today, whereas before I was tightening up my hips way more. I used to squat like that and I think only flex my hips, I think I need to tighten that region up a lot to be able to handle max weights again. I just find the form needed for a triple or more, and anything more than a single just feels really un natural, I may just be lazy, and not want to do the work, which is also a likely candidate. Not being able to pull th trigger is just murdering me, it's my general release, and lately, just can't do it.

There was an altercation tonite at the gym, and guys were in each othersfaces, and that stuff used to get me going, now I just find it ... well upsetting more or less. Violence used to just be a part of my reality, when you played hockey, get a tap on the shoulder, you're expected to go out and punch some guy in the face, and get punched in the face, and it's cool. It's a part of a sport. I think I'd have a much easier time doing that now, but the thought of two guys going at each other out of hate,... just upsets me. As it should. It's not a part of our lives, we live in peace, and although not all the parts of the world do, I do, and if  do violence, I could have my freedom taken away... which is just fucking horrible, let me tell ya. So, I just have no taste for it anymore. I'm much more interested in being friends with people, and hearing their stories. This is not to say, I would never defend myself from a real threat, far from it, but for the most part, I've now turned into a walk away man. My Dad told me every 7 years your brain changes the way it thinks, and I tend to agree. I've been very surprised with a lot of the changes I've noticed in the last 6 months, my tastes have very much changed