week 3 off day 1

Feeling fairly rough, quads are very tight, and I'm overall tight as hell. My shoulders are getting pulled forward from the benching, I'm going to have to raise the face pull volume up a bit to keep this under control I think.

Front squat
225,275,315

Bench with 45lbs chain
185,205,225,245,265 all for 3 reps

Was happy with bench, elbows and brachials aren't feeling the best, but I'm getting the hang of the elbow tuck and pulling the bar apart, they're more things you need to think about, rather than do I find.

Week 3 day 2

felt fairly good heading in, no sharp pains anywhere, wasn't overly difficult to keep my form during warm ups. It's a weird game, I don't feel good until I get to 4 plates, everything feels like shit, but then I'm warmed up enough to get on my heels, from there it's all confidence for me. Tonite I smashed 475 with chains, then panicked with 495 got on my toes, rushed depth, stayed on my toes, bar started to roll up my back and it was game over. That's why I've always preferred low bar, I found I could power through reps where I got on my toes, but everyone I talk to tells me to keep it where it's at. Either way, i just need to refine this style right now, as it's the one that I think will get me to 600.

I watched Paul Vaillancourts 600 squat on xmas eve, and that one was awesome for me at least. I remember probably 2 years ago, Paul entered a powerlifting meet and told me he wanted a 600 squat, then come meet day I don't know if he got 550. I think he got 545. I was always really excited to see how Paul handled this one, because I've just never seen him say he was going to do something, and miss his goal by so much... Keep in mind, like the other 99% of the time... holy crap. I never saw his squats, I was lifting, but I've seen him just slowly lock it down ever since. It took him almost 2 years to the day to accomplish that goal, and I guarantee he was pissed like crazy that he hadn't done it sooner. then he hits it, and doesn't say a word about it.. I bet his goal is more like 700 now, but Pauls just that kind of guy, he's never satisfied.

Back squat with 45 lb chains
135,225,275,315, 385 - felt fine
425 - felt pretty good
455- hit it well
475- hit it well
495- lost it forward

Bench
went up to 275x3
-hadn't benched in a bit and was trying a couple new things.

215-240 in a couple weeks

I'm pretty tired of guys using powerlifting as an excuse to be fat... but I'm tired of guys naturally lean who promote Paleo like it's god's gift too.

The only problem I have with Paleo, and I haven't researched it too much, is that I'm pretty sure they don't allow shakes... I don't like any diet that isn't life friendly. What does life friendly mean? well if you forgot to grab your paleo supplies and you've gotta eat fast because you're working, it's pretty easy to just hammer a shake with olive oil, then eat when you can.

I tried to reason with a paleo nut one time, and it was the most annoying thing I've ever heard. He just went on and on about how perfect Paleo is... and I'm sure it's good, I'm sure it's what's going to be the easiest on our bodies in terms of toxins and digestion...

My case was, that yes it's cool, and yes it's worked for you, but you've been a high level athlete your whole life, if you can't get a regular person to do an essentially low carb diet, then what's the fucking point? This guy didn't even follow paleo to the letter either.

I got constant shit for trying different things, different foods, different diets... I got ripped and it didn't matter, but that's what it was like with that guy... he'd get into fights with his girlfriend over leaving an air conditioner on while they drove, and he had no ability to see her side, and no ability to take accountability for himself whatsoever.

Anyhew, I got lean for a while... it was cool, I went all the way down to around 205, it was ok.. I didn't magically lose all of my strength, but I lost some.

I wanted to go up after this meet, so I used a general guideline of being able to see my abs, at 240 they're pretty blurry, but I'm not quite fat, so game on... I think I'll stay here for a while, work to harden this weight up. This will involve.... wait for it, cause this is pretty fucking radical... I'm going to STOP having CHEAT MEALS... that's it... I'm not going to radically change everything, I'm just going to stop having cheat meals... I'm going to log my diet on here a bit, I don't have any coaches right now, so blogging helps me to keep track. I think sitting around 230 would be a good weight right now, but I'd be happy with 225... What are my cheat meals? timbits, restaurant food, popcorn at the movies, chips and snacks while watching movies, plain hamburgers... but I do that all the time... they're good, and no condiments...I love that one.. the condiments generally kill any meal you eat... stick with mustard or learn to enjoy the taste of food, not ketchup

How did I get to 240 in 3 weeks? I have no idea, after 3 years of planning all your meals out, and coming up with your own philosophies, I don't really need a general guideline... I had more carbs, a lot more fat, and a ton of BCAAs... I had some cheat meals, they were excellent. It's nice to work with a coach, once you get the hang of it you're running really smooth, but a bit of time to recharge is pretty sweet too.

My strength hasn't done anything too crazy, but I'm very over trained right now, so it's hard to tell.

Week 3 day 1

Had a couple days off, so wasn't ready to totally max out, but was going to go up until I felt my form getting rough. I got on my toes with 435 and chains, so I stopped there, put the belt on and did some singles.

Back squat with 45 lbs chains
405
435
435 x3 singles belt on
405x2 singles belt on

Went to dinner. Nothing serious, just really worked on falling onto my heels and coming up evenly. When I get on my toes I cut depth, when I get to the hole, and fall back I'm on my heels and come up really well. Something I've been working on.

There's a meet January 14th, that I really wish was on the 21st, If I can do a single with 495 and chains or come close I'll compete, if not, It's just going to screw up my training. I haven't been pulling very often, and I got some good advice that I've been starting to pull with my back too early, which as soon as I went above 80% I definitely started doing, so I'd like another stab at 590, but I'm more focusing on my squat and bench for this one. I've got 2 weeks left, which is about 6 weeks of squatting for most people, if I can get close to 495 then I'll do something good at this meet, but honestly 510 is a PR, but now that I'm heavier I'd be pretty pissed if I only hit 510 and would consider the meet a bit of a waste.

week 2 day 4

Rough day, was rushed as per the usual, but as I got up in weights, everything was just hurting. Didn't get the volume I wanted today, but I'm going to push it for one more week, then back off and see what happens.

warm up - leg extensions - lots - took a while for my quads to loosen up enough to hold form
front squat
225,275,315

back squat with chains
135,225,275,315,365
- felt good, but going any higher just wasn't happening today.

This is either a time to push through, or a good time to back off. I'm going to try to push one more week, then start to back it off. I haven't totally written off the idea of competing january 14th, but I don't know if it will line up for me.

Didn't bench tonite either, it's pulling me forward pretty hard, and I haven't been doing as many face pulls, which I should change right about now.

week 2 day 3

Little rushed tonite, but got done what I needed, didn't do my downsets after front squats, but hit a good comfortable 365, felt like I could have done 3-5 singles with that tonite... These are getting good again, and they're much deeper than anything I really did before. I think I'm going to start doing doubles, I'll see how they feel tomorrow, I may just do a modified version of what Willy showed me, but I also need to get my back squat up.. I would like to compete January 14, but I would like to front squat 405 ass to grass more, plus it's keeping my brachials under control as I overall am feeling healthier and looser right now... It's hard to explain, but Now because I'm in just overall good posture, it's not totally destroying me. I'm benching a bit more than Willy did, and I eventually have to find a home for some deadlifts. I think Thursdays and Saturdays eventually, tonite really sucked for bench, could not get set up, but not a huge deal, I'll get to try again tomorrow.

warm up - hip stretch - felt warm still
front squat
225,275,315,345,365,315

Bench press
265 5,5,3,3
-felt horrible, but getting the hang of it. Plus I'm benching 4 times a week... I'm not too worried that I'm kind of tired, it's a good thing.

rear delts
overhead extensions
side laterals
straight arm pulldowns

looking forward to tomorrow. I'm feeling it from it being 2 weeks straight of squatting, but feeling ok. Once I get over the fact that I'm going to do it, and just try to make it as painless as possible, it's not bad. I try not to do much if I don't have to, but if I have to I just get blood in my quads and it's pretty much fine besides my right brachial now. I wish I had a meet to do in February, that would time it well to reset and peak again.

week 2 day 2 redone

Didn't need to warm up, did leg extensions, and did they ever make my quads and knees feel way better. I just do them really light and get blood in there, which I find hard to do with how painful my warm ups have been, This made holding technique much easier tonite, and I really enjoyed myself.

I was really focusing on feeling my glutes and hamstrings before, and that was good, I learned how to use them like I never have before, and I'm still getting better. did a few easy front squats with 315. I really think that when I can do 6-10 everyday easily I'll be able to front squat 405, and when I can front squat 405 everyday like I front squat 315 I'll be back squatting 600... I don't know if I'll do this long enough to see that... It's a long time until May, and all I have to do, is what I love to do every single day. I think if I just go slow, and take my time, I'll adjust to the volume, right now it's been great. and I know I can take around 60 reps in a week with 435, and that would be an easier week. I haven't gotten to that level yet, and I'm already feeling very good about things. I'm getting a bit of strain from my right shoulder in terms of external flexibility, and I'm feeling it in my forearms, but it's already gotten better. May just need to do some wrist curls for warm ups.

I have been able to go past parallel easier on my front squats than back squats, but after squatting with willy this morning, and going back this evening, I just figured out how to get that last bit of depth, and that last bit is sitting onto your heels, and activating your glutes, and coming out with a lot more push, rather than popping and trying to catch it... very happy about this. It's the part I've been missing with my squats, and why i've always been tipping forward, this is just very exciting, because this is the actual technique I need to hone, and I just feel so much more controlled and confident, I don't push my knees out, so much as I squeeze my knees out activating my glute meds, and I can control my quads very well, I hit parallel, and sit into the back of it, and push my knees forward, and then I just stand up, but I feel my hamstrings working more than my quads, but I feel them both activated. This is the stuff I never felt before really focusing on the individual muscle groups. It's sitting between your legs, then leaning into past parallel territory

This feels exactly how I was squatting when I hit that 485 with chain, I just lost it after a week off, but now I've got that back, with much better control of my glutes and hamstrings... and feeling good for that last bit that launches you out of the hole without mind numbing pain.

I was talking with Willie today, and he squatted everyday for 6ish weeks, and never got all that sore. He just has elite level work capacity... I had very low capacity when i started so my body spasmed into what it needed to lift the weights, and I squatted my best. I'm coming into this one with a similar plan, and much better posture. I'm not spasming anywhere but my quads and hips, they're so tight now I can't slouch, my upper back is very tight right now, as is my whole back. I'm happy about this, and my improved posture has made this one much more tolerable.

I'm considering switching to singles in the morning, back squat, then doing singles on front squats at night... It's just a slow time of year, and a good time to take a few weeks to focus on myself a bit.

Went in and went
front squat
225,275,315,315

back squat with 45lbs chains, chain not listed
225x7, 275x7,315x5
-Couldn't get the 7's with 315, so I stopped there.

standing pullover-squeezed my elbows in to really feel my lats, i'm just starting to understand how these work, Kade got really good at benching as soon as he found his lats, i felt pullovers helped him, because his chest expanded like crazy, this was about the time he bit a 585 squat in competition.

Going to do my down sets like this, just because for Smolov you have to focus on only back squat. I wanted to rebuild, so I started with front squat... I'm going to keep my volume overall very high, but just have the lighter sets for 9s,7s,5s,3s, and just do as many as I can without having to strain too much. And just lets me get more comfortable with singles. This is basically would I would do everyday if I was a multimillionaire, I have so much fun.

Week 2 day 2 continued

Wasn't too thrilled about last night, and woke up today with nothing but relaxing on the agenda, so I headed in to just do something heavy-ish.

Still feeling extremely tight, but I'm convinced that tightness is what keeps you healthy, but also what helps to get you out of the hole.

Went
405+chain - not belt
425+chain=belt
405_xhain

These felt pretty good, and I find chains really build my techniqe.

May try for last nights workout tonite, but either way, going to go in and hit a front squat, while the other guys train.

week 2 day 2

Ouch.

Was very tight and stiff for this one. I dislike training in the lower rep ranges, because it's very painful to keep my form as it feels like my quads are about to rip in half, and come off the knee. I had some problems with my adductors tonite, just feeling stretched and achey, my mistake was I did the abductor machine, but did not warm those up. I've been tending to do a lot of my warm up with a mini training session, that way I can get to heavier weights faster, and not feel so horrible. Today I took a 315 front squat, and nothing went loose, so that's a good and bad sign in my mind, I'm going to have to adjust to a higher volume, and just do my best with the back squat reps after my front squat.

Front squat
225, 275,315

Back squat
225,275,315
-stopped there, just didn't feel good tonite, so I'll regroup and go after sets of 5 on friday.

Bench
245 5x7
-these are feeling better all the time, too tight to arch very well, but tucking my elbows well and feeling that groove.

Sitting in the 228-235 range right now, feeling very filled out, not feeling too much water weight or fat. Very happy with the combo of high levels of BCAAs and high volume training. I was 215 at my last meet, and I was eating very casually... sitting at 230 most days feeling pretty much normal is a goo thing... Just going to see how the next few weeks play out, and just keep my head.

Week 2 day off 1

Went in with a good game plan, felt good to try for some good front squats. I will do these at least 5 times a week in pursuit of a 405 front squat before the next meet. right now it's a minor technique issue i'm sorting out, and as I get a bit heavier this comes into play, once I get used to my knees getting out as it gets heavy, I'll be hitting 405, if not I'll think of something else that will let it happen.

Getting my front squat in the 405 range, the way I think I can, is going to be a big builder for the way i'm using my form right now. Before I couldn't activate my glutes or quads, so I activated my hips, it's hard to describe. Now that I can activate my glutes and hamstrings while I squat, I let my quads get as tight as they want to, and just focus on maintaining tension in my entire leg, while being able to push my knees out... although sometimes I think if you're going raw, you need to flex from yout hips and quads to pop you back up out of the hole with heavy weights. If you've watched the chinese back squat, they generally go fairly slow, I've tried to copy their tempo, and now I just sit into it, and I curl myself around the bar, and right now, the weight is so light I'm having problems getting depth, I get depth easier on my front squats. I'm going to keep working the lighter technique, then I imagine as I up the intensity, the timing will be much easier.

I'm using WIllies let the squat build your form technique, but redoing it a bit, and letting the squat push me down. Front squats are easy, becase I descend faster with 365 and it's more around a 455 back squat in effort, but like 545 on technique. Overall volume will just fix that up to the 405 mark, but the key is that through the volume, I'll always be striving for my best technique on each rep. My backsquat technique feels very awkward, but it's diffifult being tired after front squats, and the sheer volume I'm handling right now. I see it changing for the better.

It's hard though, it's like i'm squeezing a horse, and trying to keep my knees out at the same time. works very well on front squats, harder on back squats.

Last week I did around 10 singles with 315, this week I'm going to aim for around 30ish, should be something I can adjust to. Won't be easy though, but won't be too tough.

I warmed up with the adductor machine, hip machine, hyper extensions, face pulls, stick dislocations, and external rotator stretch- this stretch eliminates brachialis pain for me.

Front Squats
275, 315, 365, 275,275,295,295,225

Chins (20)
weighted scap retractions(heavy)
shrugs
lateral raise
flys
-everything was very light, just sort of a feeder workout for bench tomorrow.

Dec 20th week 2 day 1

Still fighting a cold, so this made high reps and overall energy a little tougher to find, I kinda whined, and the guys trained their asses off, so I did more than i would have without them.

Warm up - sauna hip stretch, to a couple body weight squats
-may need to do a more dynamic warm up tomorrow
Front squat
135 for a few
185x a few
225x1
- these are really weird, I basically just tighten up, and let the weight push me down, so these go slow and controlled down, and pretty quick up. I try to treat them all like they're 400.
275x1
315x1 - found it a little tricky to stay in good position, went up easy, felt moderate hard.

Back squat
225x5
275x5
315 4 sets of 9
Weight is easy, but right hip feeling too tight, should have gotten that loosened up in warm up, and reset. Breath is very low, i can't breathe out of my nose currently, and have had a cold through everything so far. Looking forward to it ending soon, I think my work outs with be much easier.

Bench
230 4x9
-keeping my elbows pinned and driving off my chest with my lats, finally figured that one out, and I understand the switch Kade made right before his bench got huge.

chin ups (24) lat pull downs (30) neck harness (45)

I like the neck harness, I want to pull mine back a bit, and finally even out my spine. That'll be cool, along with high rep shrugs, I'm going to start doing these every day. I've been doing them with a band lately.

Correcting your posture can get annoying, sometimes when I sit now, it hurts to slouch or sit up straight, and I'm very uncomfortable all the time. It's one of the rarer side I guess.

Sitting around 235 right now... Just hitting that level where I'll be watching my carbs, and just adding in protein for a bit. protein and fats, but with my high bcaa consumption, I'll be able to absorb a lot more protein than usual. My muscles filled out really fast, and the high volume is helping tremendously. Looking more like a smaller Kade, but looking forward to filling out to his weight class again. Being a semi lean 245 for Nationals would be pretty cool, but anywhere between 230-245 will be fine, and I'd like to aim for a 585-400-675 total, and setting small goals hasn't really been working, but at least when I have big goals, they seem to get me through meets better. I've gotta squeeze in some deadlift work, but I'll wait a bit, I don't mind pulling a low conventional deadlift at my next meet to get me doing better there. I'd like to work in some hook grip, I feel it's a better way to deadlift for me if I can handle it.

Bet you won't do that - Bill Brasky Jr

I'd been thinking about Bill, not going to use his real name, because all the shit we got into when we were 17 could still get us thrown into jail. But Basically, we had one of the most incredible summers of my entire life, American Pie didn't have shit on us, neither did Jackass... we had sex tapes, not too much drugs, but enough boozing to kill a Camel, and just rock and fucking roll.

Bill and I went to different high schools in the same town, and I'd say Bill ran his high school, I like to think I ran mine, but I was such an asshole no one will admit it... I still run into girls who tell me I ruined their lives, it's pretty funny, and I generally apologize.

Basically, me and Bill started to hang out right as my parents divorced, and I was pissed, and all we would really do is compete to see who was crazier and tougher... for like years. It was fun competition, but we got carried away.

When we drove, we'd pass cars, and then pull back into our lanes last second, just to see who had the bigger balls... it was like that all the time, I'm amazed we weren't dead. We'd close out every party, and I learned how to get chicks from Bill, I always did pretty good, and generally got a piece of every girl I really liked, but Bill got every girl... every single girl, he was that guy. He was tall, athletic, well spoken, friends with everyone, nobody dared fuck with him, and we were just crazy.

We one time got pinned at a lob ball tournament, then got a the local towns scarey cops daughter, who was 14 at the time, to drive us aorund town so we weren't driving drunk. It was like that every single day. The things we did in cars are scarey to think about now a days. Or another time, our other buddy, our third brother, rolled up to Bills house, after stealing his dads car, got out all proud as hell... then the car promptly wouldn't start... we had to rig a tow up and pull it down the road to his house with my pick up truck, and we just died laughing the whole way.

Or another time, we had a young hockey star hanging out with us, and I remembered how his Dad just crucified me at a hockey school. The kids father was just mean and nasty, and a generally cool dude, he told all the older kids to pick on me to toughen me up, I was around 14 and these kids were terrible to me. I sucked it up the whole week, but for the big game at the end, they tried to tape me into a cacoon, and leave me in the changeroom.

Obviously, we taped his drunk ass son into a cacoon, and drove around the entire town, gave him a hockey helmet, and showed him off. We got great pictures of it.

On my 19th birthday, we pulled the same trick on this kid, then drove him to his house, as we started to untape him, his mom came to the door, and we just bailed out. Next day, Bill was taken out of his classroom in handcuffs I believe, and I woke up with a wild hangover, and was told the police were at school looking for me. We wound up at the police station later joking around with the cops, and had to deliver a hand written note saying sorry to the kids mom.... we never hung out with that pussy again, we almost got into a lot of trouble.

That was the thing with Bill, for all the shit, he never ever got into trouble... he'd get yelled at, but nobody could ever get mad at him, he was that kind of guy. He'd tell a girl to her face she was disqusting, then she'd probably want to bang him later... the man was a genius.

The thing that sets Bill apart, was one day the big C came calling. It was scarey, and I didn't really know what to do. But, Bill, he called me immediately, said lets get drunk cause he didn't know how much longer he could.

Bill mother fu$%ing Brasky Jr, bitch slapped the big C with the most positive mental toughness I've ever seen. People would be practically wiping his nose in worry, and he'd just laugh over how everyone thought he was dying. He never once got down, never missed a beer, a party or anything else. He funned the big C to death. Yeah, I saw him come home from Chemo, and he looked dead, but he'd pop up the next day and it was back to having fun.

I've never seen anything like it, and it changed the way I thought about just about everything after watching that.

Funniest part, the guy blocked a shot and broke his jaw. I've seen him drink himself to near death, hurt himself in hilarious ways, run a 400M flat out with barely training, stroll through chemotherapy like it was nothing... But I ate a slice of pizza in front of him and he broke down crying... everyone has their limits, and I felt like an ass. I think it was the only time I've seen him cry... tough MF.

That was my best friend growing up, we'd just hang out, I'd just show up at his house like it was a hotel, and the party would come to us. It was that easy, all we had to do was get together, and shit was going to go down. If it was a fair, Bill would drive my drunk ass through a ride program, my mothers truck full of people, all underage and hammered, and he wouldn't bat an eye, then we'd get to wherever we were going, he'd let loose and it was generally epic to watch.

I scored the hottest chick of my entire high school career because of Bill Brasky. We showed up at another kids house, promptly started doing shots until I threw up, projectile vomitting into their toilet. Then he pulled me aside, and gave me the pep talk. "Listen, I think you've got a shot with X tonite, I'd step up, but I've got a gf and I can't, so you've gotta do it." I was hammered, and jsut said, that it wasn't going down. I think he promptly slapped me in the face, grabbed me by the shoulders, and jsut said "Listen, you might never get this chance again, you've gotta do it, you can do it."

I did it, only because that chick was too hammered to know what was happening... Thank you Bill Brasky.

Or another time at the same house, I finally scored with the girl I'd had a crush on forever. I was making out with her, then I just felt something... I looked behind me and I see Bills head poking out, he promptly fell down all the stairs, and interupted the whole thing. It was the funniest thing I'd ever seen.

I just didn't care, this was back in the days where he'd dare me to walk around parties naked in rain boots, and I would, just because he'd bet me I wouldn't do it. There are just way too many crazy ass stories. We one time swan dived off chair lifts, sitting beside each other, just saying bet you won't do it.. that shit was hilarious... I have no idea what I was thinking. I could go on for hours and hours.

That was the thing, nobody understands, we never backed down.. I did here and there just because I thought I'd go to jail, but Bill never did. The easiest way to get him to do anything, was to just say, Bet you won't do that... and sure enough...

look below for the original new economy plan

You know what, make people pay for the access to profesional athletes access to the players for their coaching engagements. This won't change the game, this will enhance the game. Make all athletes accountable, and in that, just give up their fear? Sounds like a good way to advance everything. Make it expensive, but make it so Mark Zuckerberg can hang with MJ, and Donald trump and compare notes, but I've gotta work under ryan blair, then Matt Britt to be able to add enough to people that they'll chose to follow me.

I'll have to contribute something of value, like a 600 pound squat, and my rates reflect that, and yeah, I'll have to prove it, in a meet, or somewhere else. Word of mouth leads mean something. You're not allowed to work until you're done high school, parents are accountable up to 18, youngsters are encouraged at young ages to excel, we have a generation of Sidney Crosbies being born, you either realize you should do better at math, or at a young age, you'll realize you need to bring value. It won't kill anyone, lots of people are still alive today that bring a small value to the world. The stock market becomes a reflection of who can give the most value to the world. Some people like mother theresa can accept donations to go to a 3rd world country to lend a hand.

People can sponsor you to go learn something, like a business for advanced computers, you either get the grades, and get the money, or you don't, but you'll have expenses covered. Your mentors and friends will help you through it.

This is just everyone deciding to simply give away fear, and just dare to be happy basically.

It could work, and all it would take is for people to change.

a concept for a new economy

I'd say people are ready for it.

How about an economy that is appreciative of advertising? how about a world where we encouraged advertisements, because they were tailored to what we need, because we earn money off of these advertisements?

A total shift in perspective from a customers point of view.

If the success of facebook and visalus has shown us anything, the current trend of education has failed. the way we value ourselves is out of date. In a society of obese people, I'd put 100k in Willie Alberts pocket for how he's changed peoples lives and take it out of the pocket of my Dr, who is just an amazing man, but the battle with negativity, has turned a mentor of mine, into a grouchy old man I'm not even comfortable telling my secrets to. That's my personal Dr, and it's impossible to find a new one.

Willie Albert and Sam Dube and Paul Vaillancourt fixed me more than any Dr, and what did I do? get to an intermediate level of strength. I could run a physiotherapy clinic that works called my gym, that would keep the entire population healthy and out of the Drs office, and I'm just like everyone else. There's nothing exceptional about me.

I did more to help people in the last year than I have in the previous 26 years, and I didn't make a dime doing it... what in the fuck is with that?

Our teachers hate life, our Drs hate life, other cultures are performing us I feel because of their commitment to a religion, whereas we as a society have lost ours. My religion is Ryan Blair, and Mat Britt, if those fuckers aren't Jesus, I don't know who could be. They've shown through network marketing, there is a gigantic market for self imrpovement as a positive thing.

They've turned it into a billion dollar market, and it's going to hit 10 within 2 years I bet. Somebody give me some fucking money so I can invest in Blythe stock, you'll be a millionaire. I was mentored in the best business program for young people I've ever heard of, then this comes along and blows them out of the water. It's thinking where it will go next that's important. He's taught an entire course on becoming a real estate person without getting a license. The man is a fucking genius. He also predicted that crash. Sorry to say, Robert never went through what I went through, and I'm just like everyone else.

Facebook has the potential to completely change everything. I'm pretty sure that's where it was going anyways.

How to let go

I'm in a position where I've been constantly coaching the youth of today. I've directly coached over 200 people, and I'm talking 1 on 1. I've noticed 1 thing from all of these encounters, they're just like me, and you. We're just like our parents, but all the literature for helping people is based on a world where we don't have social media, and we aren't so connected.

With marketing the way it is, we're bombarded with who we should be, and who we want to be, and we are very ashamed that we aren't like that. Chuck Palahnuik constantly touches on this in his work.

I talked with a young woman today, who is just simply amazing, on the inside and out. She's physically one of the most beautiful women I've ever met in my entire life, she's so beautiful I consider her as attractive as the woman I'm in love with.

And what I really find interesting about this young woman, is she's a hustler, through and through. She exemplifies the mindset I always term, always happy never satisfied. She's a small business owner, and works crazy hours, as all small business owners do. She has amazing pets, and anyone who loves a dog is ok in my books, anyone who's trained a dog understands that they are just unconditional love all the time. I recently got my first dog from my girlfriend, and had to work to train her so she was comfortable with me, and it was hard at first, I didn't want to be mean to her. But then I understood, giving her fear and letting her know something displeased me was my way of letting myself love that dog, and letting her love me. Otherwise, she just jumps me 24/7.

Something else I love about this young woman is how seriously she takes her health. She understands her body represents the choices she makes, and she has taken this to an extreme, and I love how she puts her beliefs on the line and steps out in front of the world and proves it. I've seen her squat, she has my respect, and I've seen her glutes, she does it the right way.

She's been in the gym, and every single guys head turned, every guy on my team asked me about her, and I told every single one of them to get their heads right and focus... but honestly, if she came in the gym and they didn't look I'd be worried. For me, the physical is not enough, it sure does feel good and look good, but it's just not enough.

I didn't get interested in this girl until I saw more of what was on the inside. She has a library of self improvement books, and I've seen her at seminars. She has a hunger to learn, and for me, that quality far outweighs any physical qualites by a lot. To back it up, she's always very positive on facebook, and constantly turns her frowns upside down.

I was speaking to her today, and it was like I was talking to myself not long ago. Every person I've met has nothing but positive things to say about her, and she's come up in conversation a lot, people notice her energy. But she's very down on herself, and constantly feels that there's something wrong with her.

I can relate, in 2007 I made a very serious deal with myself, at my lowest point, that I'd give myself until i was 27 and if I couldn't figure it out then I was going to call it a day. But until then, I was going to let it all hang out, and just let it happen. I thought about my worst fears, and all the shame I felt around it... and I decided to ignore it, and go after what I really wanted. I was the production manager for a 200k business immediately after, then a partner for a 275k business the following year... this is in a 4 month operating period. I've now been responsible for over a million dollars of painting now, but until recently I still felt like a failure. I had a list of how I wanted to look, and what I wanted to list at the same time, I had accomplished all of it, and I still felt like a failure. I'd seen a therapist, who coached me on positive self talk for a year straight, until he told me I didn't have to come back anymore, and I still felt like a failure. I watched the secret over 1000 times now, and I knew to talk positively to myself, and I still felt like a failure.

I know how she feels. I don't, I have a completely different life, but a fisherman always sees another fisherman from afar.

I could list all these things that she COULD improve on. She detailed them to me here and there, and she does more in a day by noon then most people do in their entire day, I bet she works around 80 hours a week, yes training and eating is work for her.

So how do you make the switch?

For me, I personally had to learn about my parents, and forgive them completely to be able to let go. I had to learn how to forgive. I had to understand, that we're all made of atoms, and see the impossible happen on a daily basis to believe. I grew a true family around myself, became the leader, became my father, then grew young men better than me.

I see this all the time, many young people will procrastinate because of perfectionism... don't get hung up on the term please, it's just terminology.

You see, we're born perfect. Our parents raise us, a lot like you would a dog, giving pain and giving fear so that you have a frame of reference for pleasure.

I learned to forgive myself for being human, I learned to understand what my negative thoughts and feelings really were... just a frame of reference. We're taught to be scared of pain, I learned how to embrace pain, and through embracing pain, I understood that it would lead me to pleasure.

Now I can tolerate anything if I see the pleasure in it. Your why? doesn't have to make you cry if you can do this, once you can understand that you are already perfect, and you're the only one holding you back from believing it, then anything is possible. My why still makes me cry, it's to be whole again, and have a family. I've grown many families, now I understand, I just wanted to prove to myself I could, my own parents split mine right down the middle, and if I forgave one of them, I felt i was betraying the other. I love my parents so much, that this was just horrible for me. I was constantly conflicted, and I couldn't justify many of the things I did, that were totally normal, and instead decided that something must be wrong with me.

I'm a go getter, so I tried to fix myself over and over, and I did a ton of work, I put so much effort into myself it was crazy, I read John maxwell for the first time 7 years ago. I hungered to be around people better than me, and this brought me to totally new levels, but still, no matter how hard I tried, there was still something wrong with me.

It wasn't until I forgave my parents, forgave myself, and raised my pain tolerance to the level that I gave myself fibromyalgia from maxing out on squats daily, that I finally understood... My thoughts leaked out of my ears, I felt like I was losing my mind. I was dead sober, no drugs anywhere in my system at the time... and I was terrified. But my thoughts went away, and I realized all that was left, were my needs... my needs said to be complete, and to have a family. This is all that matters to me.

I was terrified to understand this, because if I really let go of my need to fix myself, who would I be?

I can assure you, you'll still be yourself, I can assure you, you'll find your soul mate, and every mistake you've made in your life, you will be thrilled about them because it brought you together. I can assure you, that your family will endure always. I can also assure you, that when you truly truly love your family, that no one else will matter. I can assure you, your family will see the best parts of you and love you unconditionally, and accept your flaws, and you will still be loved.

I can tell you right now, all that matters to me is my family, and it's all I think about all day long, and I can't wait to grow my family, I can't wait to add to it, and I can't wait to show people that they will always be loved no matter what they had to go through to be a part of my family.

Remember, when you have doubts, just remember what you really need in life, and tell yourself, "he will understand, because if I didn't do that thing that makes me hate myself, I would never have found him. and without him, I would never have my family that loves me,"

Trust me, your soul mate and your family will undestand.

Leadership

Now that's a tricky one.

You think you're a leader? tough to say, remember to look behind you, cause if there's nobody there, you aren't leading shit. I'm sick of guys who think the only way you can be a leader is by either having a title, being good at a sport, or telling people what to do. You wanna know if you're a leader? put something together based totally on volunteer status, with money not being a factor, and see who is followed. Lots of people try to step up, I recently saw a friend try to step up, and get beat the fuck down because he attempted to lead, instead of attempting to serve. The poor fucking guy has it ass backwards, and always tries to attempt to impose his strong will, instead of attempting to serve young people in need. Funniest thing is, this guy in his personal life is a servant friend, put him in charge and he's been shunned 3 times in a row, because he just beats up on himself and puts pressure on himself coming out of his nose to please. He's a really open minded guy, but it's the things he's touchy about that hold him back, and he's too ashamed to face them. This is for him, as I am a leader, and I do this without leading at all. How am I a leader? I recently raised guys up to be better than I am. That's leadership.

I'm going to write my take on servant leadership, influenced by my father who bankrupted a 10 million dollar company rather than let his guys down.

I became a leader by just failing over and over and over, and being in an enivronment where I had many succesful business people just shoving advice down my throat. My one criticism about my last business is they kind of take their trust for granted, and I generally felt more comfortable asking about what i wanted to know, instead of what I didn't want to hear. I'm not really sure if they were right to handle it the way they did or not. The strategy has clearly not worked, as there is such a high turnover rate. You have to think about it, managers would deal with negative ass customers all day long, that are constantly doing anything to get 100 off, so if we litereally did not deliver 100% of what we promised, there was a 50-50 chance you'd be losing money off your original price. Our employees were young students who always had a back door if shit hit the fan, and our operating season was so short, a lot of the time we'd have to use sub standard personel or risk not hitting profit goals. If you train your painters the right way, you give them a week and get a summer, wrong way, and you're adding time to your 100% balls out sprint to beat out exhaustion. I've never been the best coach, although I'm very very good, I just simply was the best interviewer, in a company that takes the skill for granted, and was open minded from day one, but branded closed minded because I only listened to one mentor at a time. I had like 8 coaches in my first year, and all of them were better than me, and I stayed in touch with all of them constantly, and we analyzed my business over and over, as well as ourselves. My friend Nick Verkaik and I were constantly going over our skills together. We had a bond over our need for self improvement, as I am with all people that take that path.

So we'd be getting hammered with this negativity like crazy 24/7, and the only person we were supposed to rely on besides ourselves, just fucking hammered us during goal setting and review, and if we missed our goals, we'd just obsess over that shit...

When you sum it up like that, well... fuck.. I mean come on.

Being a good friend of a General manager this year, and really being able to forgive one of my long term mentors and high level business coach, I got a much deeper understanding of coaching and leading.

You see, both of them failed hard this year, one was fired, the other took accountability and is going to learn from a hard year and be better for it. The other, keeps repeating the same mistakes.

So instead of listing the mistakes, I'm going to say these are the things that people are allowed to do.

1- you can ask to learn about what you would like to know
What burns my fucking ass, is I would get a designated 30 minutes a week, rarely get a hold of after, and for that time we only get to focus on what someone who only sees the numbers of our business thinks is going on. For my coach this year, i'd write a novel for him, and he'd generally just feel it was too much.. that's about when I started to not take him as seriously. Leadership is by far his lowest strength, imo. But we'd focus on a certain theme for the week from the president.

Are you guys fucking retarded? It could have definitely be me, but I found it difficult to get the help I felt i needed, instead of the help I should have. This in turn lead me to other mentors, where I learned a lot this year, thank you Tara Barber. That chick has been laying me straight on for 7 years. She told me 7 years ago exactly what I needed to know, and it took 7 years to realize she was right all along. What people don't get is I needed those 7 years of fuck ups, that's why I'm so good compared to other people. I've been the worst, I've beent the best, I've been in between... I've done just about everything. I've had customers just about push me off roofs, my business has received the quality award from the work of my employees and team work with my partner, I've been given wild tips, I've had little old ladiess dodge me for 2 years, I've had over 150 people work directly for me, and I've been in charge, I've been 50-50, I've been just someone that hung around and watched a very skilled leader first hand... which is a game changer like you can't believe for a visual learner.

Honestly I learned more in a couple monts of the visalus colture about how to comunicate with people than I did in all 7 years before. It's ok to focus on the positive, but for some reason this company just demands to focus on the negative. This year was horrible. I've watched this company run away all of it's best young talent, and is just a well known negative name. I offered to start a positive blog this year, and my general manager wasn't very excited about it.

I saw make all the gsnrs public blogs, I say get people having to take accountability to themselves in front of everyone, open to the world, or the family, and just keep moving forward. They put one person in charge, instead of putting everyone togather, just for the sake of the company keeping accurate numbers. Visalus creates a huge family, and a raising bar format of everyone getting constantly re affirmed for their positive actions, where my former company found this was work or something. I would give anything to see Andreanne Titley Peloquins gsnrs from this year, just the way she handles problems, and problem solved. I've seen her in action, she doesn't think positive per se, she just is positive. It's just natural for her, not everyone is like that. I would love to have more access to her.

2-you should always feel empowered from talking with your coach... no exceptions

Some coaches get so insecurely hung up on not getting their points across, and they just stomp their feet and demand accountability, and use the excuse it's because they care... hard work is just not a fucking excuse ok, it's a requirement. I've had to lay down after these meetings sometimes, and I just demand differently from the people that follow me.

This company trains business people to be shitty painters. I put more work into one of my employees in a summer. There needs to be much more emphasis on skill development of actual painting, 3 days is not enough, a week is not enough, managers have to be learning year round with the general manager through the pre season, working around their school schedule. The General manager can attend any business matters on the lap top, and more than enough customers will be accomodating understanding the level of supervision. This just has to be a requirement, managers should have a minimum of 10 hours of supervision a week, 20 managers is 200 hours of work going into building other managers business's guaranteed to be a success with a general manager right there. You know what, a good time to talk selling is over painting a wall together. I've learned tons in this environment. And heaven forbid a student earns a part time living while paying for cold callers. Managers leave for marketing right after, and this is done in the field as well, or school is in the way, but a general manager needs everyone sending in a block schedule every week, these have to be requirements. Being to work has to be a requirement in a city like ottawa, I drive more to get to a gym. I have employees bus an hour a day. 40 hours of school a week on top of this, should be doable, it can be on the weekend, it can be at night time, it has to happen. it has to happen before exams, and production training has to be a refresher. Weekly team meetings are mandatory, sundays are good, laptops are essential. combined goal setting and review, with family viewing privelages has to be mandatory. People need to be able to chime in, blow ups are going to happen. So what? a good leader can get this sorted out. that has to be a requirement.

3-questions are always allowed, but understand not all questions need to be asked right away

This one just annoys the shit out of me. I've managed 25 people at the same time, and it was just me, and someone to help me execute. I had a partner, but we made it a rule she was only to be contacted in extreme circumstances. I took every call, trained every person, had them all at over 250 homes in a 4 month period, and sometimes they commented later that I was scarey, but they all did what was best for them. That's being a leader. I knew where every one of those people were at all times, and was accountable to every single thing that happened. I cleaned up their mistakes constantly, and praised them for their work constantly, even though a lot of them would sometimes find me scarey.

You know what, at times, when it was in their best interest, and my own best interest, yeah, I'd bully people into doing what they should. I'd always give them the chance to do it the right way first, but sometimes you need to make it extremely clear who is in charge, and remind them it is your way or the highway, but then immediately reasure them, your way is there way as well. But when you're accountable to that much shit, it's just gotta get done.

I'm not sure what General managers of my previous company do in a day, but those are the changes I'd make.

There's a lot I could complain about, this year every time I tried to add to other managers in Ottawa this year, I'd be constantly shut down, and it was shunned to offer to help. I actually got into trouble because I didn't ask the right way. So, not my most favorite year, not really feeling up to pursuing that one anymore.

Paul Vaillancourt

When Paul Vaillancourt was born, he jumped out, grabbed a razor, cut his own cord, got shaved up, demanded a pair of welfare cut offs, and took the wrist watch off the drs own wrist because he had his first shift at his new job and he wasn't going to be late and still needed his breakfast shake.

I'm not joking, the guy is that focused, and that laser driven. In one of the rare times he let himself go around me, he told me a story about Jessie Ventura from Predator..."That was me man, that's who I was every day.. I was that sexual tyranasaurus"

He was referring to himself at 12 years old.

Some guys are so scared of having something wrong with them, that they only train by themselves or with high level guys, and sometimes even brag about it... that's just fear and honestly, piss poor leadership.

I've always followed Paul, because anyone who could make it to train the same time as him for a year straight got STRONG... it didn't matter about their background, or anything else, Shane Church, Peter Wagner, Dave Droeske, Daine Blimkie, his wife is an IPF champ the list goes on and on... the guy is the strongest leader i've ever seen, and he has learned to rarely burden himself with it. You could say it's because he owns the gym, but that's bullshit. From a real entrepeneur, Paul Vaillancourt is all entrepeneur, and he just lives his values all day every day, his word is his currency, and whatever he says, he does. His clients get good, they compete, they rock the block.

I'm going to go ahead and say, if Paul stopped lifting and stopped eating, he'd be around 180 pounds... I've seen his skinny pics, he's just a regular guy, and he built himself there. I've heard some guys who were blessed with good posture, and high level athletes their whole life but wasted it.. I know one guy who's blamed every failure in his athletic career on POLITICS... I can't even stand to listen to it. He never once would tell me what he could have done differently, it was all the other person... this guy also had horrible relationships where he'd blame everything on the other person, and they'd be amazed at how I could forgive anyone for anything.

Paul has always been a high level athlete, but I knew he was the guy to follow when he told me about his skateboarding career, and if he ever took any time off he'd lose a lot of his skills. I can completely relate, I've always been a wayne gretzky of an athlete, I was good because I played and practiced the sport like crazy. if it was basketball season, every single day I was shooting, baseball season and I was throwing against the barn wall all night, or playing catch with my dad every night, or he was picthing to me, and if I wasn't hitting them to the fence, my dad would throw at me... He knew I had to get a little pissed to perform, and knew I loved him enough to forgive him for it. My father raised me to not be scared of anything.

Training with Paul is a lesson in Sports psychology. It's always game time, and he competes against everyone, and he does this to always be competing against himself. That's what powerlifters don't get... in Strongman, it's you against the other guy, not you against yourself. Paul only competed against himself in training, but he made sure he was either beating you, or outworking you. I can't come close to competing against Willie, so I'd turn it into a competition, I find ways to compete against the guys I train with, I always try to bring the best out of them... Some guys can't handle it, some will, some won't, so what?

Like Vasily Aleexev.... who would go into competitions to do his best, everyone I saw in srtongman made the mistake of trying to be stronger than Paul and beat him... that was their mistake, I used to think I'd be the only guy who had a chance to beat Paul, because I was the only one who understood what made him so good. I've watched guys make it their goal to beat Paul, get frustrated, give up, and place lower than they should. If you had a bigger deadlift than Paul, big deal. His core strength is off the charts, and he'd beat you somewhere else. His total body strength is off the charts, and he's still very strong, but he doesn't give a shit about the power lifts, they're just assistance to Paul, his main lifts are the competition lifts, and he doesn't waste energy in the week with assistance, he saves it to compete every single Saturday, and our training sessions are 4x as hard as any competition, at least his was. He's like wayne gretzky, he's good at strongman, he didn't waste time with shit that didn't matter to him.

Like my real father, I was absolutely terrified to let Paul down. I'd train until I threw up, I'd train until I wanted to literally cry, then he'd find you, point his finger in your face and tell you that you're up.. He'd put that pressure on you, and if you wanted to stop, you had to let him down. For other guys, they could just say no... for me, I had to do it... I'd never ever stop, I'd just go and go, and I'd get home Saturday afternoon, and sleep until i had to set up equipment on sunday. I gave my weekends away and drove an hour each way to try to support that guy. How could you not? the guy would do anything for you, and would never ever quit, and was always setting up the equipment so you could rest another couple of minutes, and he'd be somewhat pissed you weren't up pulling your weight.

My girlfriend Megan saw me just about have an anxiety attack telling her about training at the garage. Shane went to Westside and fit right in because that's the atmosphere that he's used to. Guys will tell me how I'm a glutton for punishment, and I just can't even explain what I've seen Paul work threw. I've seen him destroy his back, then come in, go light, and still outwork all of us. I can remember being so nervous heading to sessions, get there, start to have some fun, then it was time to get to work, and it was like watching Lance Armstrong bike in the rain. I'd try to get some other guys out so they could understand what it was like, and stop bugging me about focusing on the powerlifts, they thought Paul was nuts, and they saw the light version.

I hope I'm not making Paul sound like a mean guy, he's one of the funnest coolest guys I know, but if you're not on his page, you'd better just keep your mouth shut, trust me. I made the mistake of letting my mouth flap too often, I was like a little kid trying to sit at the grown ups table, and talking out of turn. Paul was kind enough to not skull fuck me in front of people, but sometimes I swear he'd be visualizing it so hard I could see it in my own mind. I one time mentioned that my lifter was somewhat catching up to his wife, and then I promptly tried to run away. It was like I could feel heat coming off his body. The left side was too narrow, and he was on the right... it was scarey man. I was trapped. Paul always would forgive you for it, I wish i was more of a man to face him all those times, but I wasn't. I've got a message in my inbox from one time he thought I was ragging on him, it's been a couple years, and I still can't bring myself to read the fucking thing.

Maybe I will now that I understand what it was really like training with Paul.. Paul made you his son, and he was your father, and you'd better be like Dad or you're going to feel shame. If you didn't feel shame, you probably didn't belong there. If you weren't going to give back with your hard work, the garage would suddenly get a little smaller, and there'd be hints that maybe this winter was too tight a space for so many guys. He was nice about it, but sometimes guys wouldn't take the hint, and it was like walking on eggshells man, I can't believe they didn't drop dead sometimes.

I was there during a time, I just wanted to get strong, and I wanted to do it in a variety of ways, I got pretty half decent at the events to the point where I can enter competitions without really training, and that's fun. If I was to ever make a serious run, I'd ask for Pauls permission to train there again, but I've gotta squat 600 first, otherwise, I've got no place there in my mind.

mini cycle week 1 day 4

Had a really good feel of my legs tonite, did some activation stuff, I do feel my right hip is a bit tighter than my left, and my left shoulder is still a little internally rotated compard to my right. Should be straightened out soon.

Warm up - swings, hypers, add/abd machine, hip machine

front squats- these are my warm up
135, 225, 315, 365 - was thinking about doing 405, but I think I'll take another week and just try for small maxes the next few weeks. These do make my squat workouts a touch harder.

Back squat
225
315
375 for 3x7 - could only get 7 sets, the cold is making it hard to breathe, I was gassed

Bench
265 3x7 - really feeling my lats well now, even better than before.

I was just gassed after this.

I'm going to add 30lbs next week, this could be tough, but as long as my cold is gone, and I'm prepared, I can get through it. 10 triples with 405 would be good, with 435 would mean a PR is on the way. Doing it overtrained, is just a good idea.

a reply to some sincere criticism

friend-  I admire your efforts and commitment to becoming your best..However, remember that to take your ectomorph build and turn it into a LEAN 265 ecto-mesomorph build will take much longer then 2 yrs unless you have absolute freak genetics....
For that kind of quality weight gain it will also involve mostly bodybuilding methodology, not powerlifting. If you want to be the best you can be stop worrying your leverages and body fat % and just get big via eating, and strong via heavy RAW lifting.

If you don't believe me, ask all the people you inspire to compete with in power meet and I doubt any of them took this path..What will happen is while you 're dieting and changing training styles, they will be squatting, eating and winning.
Like that matrix quote, you're probably just not ready to take the red pill.. hope you take no offense and good luck!




Things is, my fathers about 170 pounds, I have a very low set point, and from past experience, I know I can carry around 235 fairly well, but when I was that 235 before, I didn't get there the right way. I've had big time problems with that, So, for me, and with a fair bit of health problems that have come up just from exposing myself to so many toxins previously, I knew I had to make a big time LIFESTYLE change, but since life got in the way, I had to make it really easy, because I honestly forced myself to work 80 hours a week and just create stress out of thin air, but I honestly have had a very high stress, high burnout rate job for 7 years straight.

 So I didn't so much care about getting lean, the leaner I got the cleaner I ate, it was a good gauge of progress, and really let me focus on HEALTH... but don't worry, I didn't talk about the problems before because I was somewhat ashamed of myself. Its hard not be with the company I keep, Paul Vaillancourt puts more focus into this diet than we do into our training programs, all the while working those same 80 hour weeks. But honestly, now, from 3 years of BUILDING HABITS, and getting feedback from guys whose job it is to make you look the way you want to look, and trying verious methods, I'm now extremely healthy compared to my formers self, and it's just a way of life, as opoosed to a diet.

 I just used becoming leaner, with higher levels of cardio to achieve it, all the while refining my technique from a pseudo wide stance bastard squat, to a very nice deep back squat from re learning all of my lifts. I just hit 496-350-560 on an extrememly bad day at 215, and I've totaled higher, but with retarded technique. Now I have the technique that can hit 600-400-650.. I have the habits to be able to build my body to a healthy 250ish, and I'm coached by Mark Giffen, Sam Dube, and occasionally Willie Albert, I train with 12 powerlifters, oh yeah, I also grew the most positive 12 man powerlifting team ever, and they're all my best friends, any single one of those guys would take a bullet for me because I'd die for them. Oh also while doing this, I was mentored by an entrepeneur on how to become one, with weekly goal setting and review sessions, and was a partner in a million dollar company.

So I'm feeling pretty good about everything right now, I don't think getting to 250 will be all that hard, I learned from Shelby Starnes just to eat a little bit more week to week, and do as little as possible, it's so easy I'm back in the 225-230 range, and have the same leanness at 215... That's what guys dno't understand, the rebound from getting lean is one of the most powerful effects I've ever seen, it basically comes down to just eating a little bit more from week to week, and going slow enough to keep leanness i'm going to ride out the rebound, not hammer a pizza, but keep protein high, I'm not even eating carbs, just eating more protein with BCAA levels high, then when I need to I'll add carbs.

Right now from my extrememly high BCAA levels, I'm using much more protein... usually when we ingest, unless we have high rates of protein synthesis, we don't absorb and use the protein we eat. I ingest around 60-100g of BCAA's a day and I just keep adding in shakes and lots of healthy fats. healthy fats with protein is 100% fine, as long as you aren't taking in a bunch of crap with it, basically high sugar content foods. I'm slowly trying to get my habits into the 300g of protein a day range then when I'm there, and I start to plateau, i'll add in carbs again, I have a cheat meal a day, usually plain hamburgers, or timbits first thing in the morning, it's a good time to have sugar I find,  rest of the time, I stay away from sugar and dairy, both cause a lot of allergies. Like someone else before said, I just eat... but some people work 20hours a week, in a low stress job, some people work 80 hours a week to provide for their families, and have to stay healthy for them, and it's not even close to as simple as people make it sound. Our health is a lifestyle, not a choice. And, seriously, you cook twice a week, enough for the whole week, you make good decisions, and you use shakes to supplement your nutrition, and you just eat it.

I know you run your own business, I learned from a very great business mentor, that when you're a small business owner, you own a job. In your case, personal training, or whatever you'd like to call it, an entrepeneur realizes that his body is HIM, his body is a direct reflection of the decisions you make. I prefer to be able to tell people things I would only be willing to do myself, so I wouldn't really follow guys who don't have my lifestyle, I copied Paul Vaillancourt, not everything about him, the parts I needed, he makes it very clear he looks the way he does because he chooses to. Hhe can be stage ready in 12 weeks flat. but he needs to be heavy, Paul dieted himself to 2 bodybuilding competitions by HIMSELF. That shit is hard, Paul had these habits well before his strongman career, but because of those habits, once he switched to focusing on his diet he got to 265 from 230ish. He's the only guys I know who built himself there, other guys either gained into one weight class, or got fat and dieted down by eating healthy for the first time, and called it a miracle. I don't really care how I did it, but I can do it now. So, took 3 years? big deal, i'm in this for at least 10.

My question for you Rowan, is why should I listen to you? To be blunt, you're fat. Not everyone wants to be jacked, but some people do. Can u get them there? I wouldn't trust you. I've used a variety of diets, and even when I was eating horribly, it was still pretty healthy.

So, please do reply, I've always really enjoyed talking with you.

mini cycle, week 1 day 3

I've been really learning how to activate all my muscles when I squat lately, I'd generally only think about arching my back, i'd tighten my legs, but didn't have the mind muscle connection, I could rarely feel my glutes and hamstrings. I've never felt them like this before, I finally understand how all this works, I think anyone with fallen arches is going to have a tough time... Unless you're ready smart, or walk with your toes pointing perfectly forward, you probably don't understand what I'm talking about it... but it's super cool... maybe everybody does this already, but if you've used a squat suit you may have screwed this, up, I had to relearn how to squat after that. I just recently figured it out again, pretty excited because I understand how to activate all the muscles in my body when I lift... I usually could only focus on a few at a time, now I can thinkabout the whole thing moving.

Honestly, I don't know how I didn't figure this one out sooner, but now I grip the floor, pull my legs in by internally rotatating my thighs, while turning my feet and just sort of twisting my low body into position. Very difficult to explain, but unless you have perfect posture, you may not get this. Can you individually flex every muscle in your body? I can flex one glute than the other, just like the pec dance, but all of my muscles.. I finally get that now. I just tried to break it into pieces and thought that was how everyone squatted, so my muscles worked, but I was mostly screwing it up.

I'm very excited right now. Besides having a cold that won't listen to me, I'm doing great. I've always had a certain mindset on dealing with being sick or hurt, I keep training. It's worked time and time again, and if it didn't work, then I wasn't paying attention, and that's why it would work.

The cold did cut this training session short, I tried to squueze out every set I could, but I was fading hard.

Warm up
-sauna light stretch
 Front squats
135
225
275

Back squat
225
315
365
345 5x2 - could only get two sets done

Bench
245 5x3
- didn't try to flare my lats as early, kept elbows tucked, and came off my chest much much better, very happy about this.

Good training session in terms of learning, poor in execution, will do whatever i'm capable of tonite, should be fun.

Mentors and Willie motherfu#$ing Albert

I've had to really learn how to receive a mentor lately... Still a work in progress in my opinion, I don't always know how to handle myself sometimes, or the right ways to act, so I just try not to worry, I just let it hang out, be completely myself, and if a mentor wants to step in, I'll do my best to receive the good with the bad.. Still not the easiest thing of all time.

So I've been thinking a lot about my past mentors, My father was my true first mentor, my second was Jason Hawkins, a former professional hockey player who started me down this road, I wanted to be like him, and he was always researching and getting better as a coach, he was a younger guy, and just passion all over. He's the head coach of the Brockville Braves right now, I'm going to send him a facebook message later asking him if he ever needs help with coaching off ice stuff. Earl horvath and Doug Marr came after that.

Then there was Willie fu#$ing albert.

I rolled into the YMCA, and just started lifting, back then a 315 back squat was pretty good, and I was noticed because I could front squat half decent. I wanted to compete, and back then we were more of a family, tons of guys would go out for UFC back then. Willie always grabs the young guys that want it, so he picked me up somewhat early.

The thing you have to understand about Willie is nothing scares him, except maybe himself. Nothing scares that guy, and he just doesn't care who you are or what you do. He never backs down from anything or anyone, and it's like that all the time. That's what people don't get, he's wide open all the time, 100% honest, you always know where you stand, but if you're full of shit, he's letting you know. I'm not sure if Willie liked me or hated me for the exact same thing, doesn't really matter.

My first meet, Willie drove me down with himself and Anton Migounov, in his moms boat of a car, that would take 5 minutes to get up to 150km/h, and if he got it up that high, he was honking on the horn getting people to move because he didn't want to take that long getting us back up to speed. I tried to cut first meet, and Willie wouldn't even pull over for me to piss, and I can't go when you watch. Plus, if I got piss in the guys moms car, I was pretty sure I would be dead. I was like 23 and Willie was around my age now, him and Anton we terrifying, I've got a good poker face, but I was out of my mind.

They tried to tell me I wouldn't compete, or I'd get tested, or just in general tried to fuck with my head, I told Willie my plan for the meet, and he was all over me until i just did it his way. I did, and I went 8/9 and was one of the better performers that day. The guy took me there, wrapped my knees, got my rack heights, helped with what he should help with, and made fun of me when I should do it myself.

The night before, i spent the night in Sue Thompsons room and she calmed me down, I slept on the floor because there was no way I was taking a bed from one of those guys.

I was fucking pissed about that meet, and I've always been pissed about it. I understand now, guys have to be able to handle their shit, and I've got my own guys begging me to watch them squat in the middle of a warm up at my meets, and I wonder how Willie would handle it, probably around the same way I do, telling them to fuck off so I could warm up, then feeling guilty so i went and watched, lmao.

That's the way Willie had to be to get to the top, you don't do what he did and not believe in yourself. Willie is the only guy I've ever know who said "no" during a lift and still made it, saw it with my own eyes, and he still stood up. I see that as a turning point in his career when he found it even when his head said no, his body would still follow through.

Yeah, we drove 9 hours through a snow storm, in a truck my gf forgot to mention didn't have snow tires, got into my first car accident, got pulled out 5 mins later, and kept on driving, headed to our first big multi ply powerlifting meet.

7 full power lifters showed up. We rocked the meet, spent like 8 hours there freezing our asses off, Willie got a record no one ever talked about, then totally gassed we celebrated by ourselves that night, Willie threw me over his shoulder and forced me to, then we drove another 9 hours home. Willies gf broke down drying over the terrifying drive, and later he told me he wasn't mad, but he was disapointed.

Willie Albert was disapointed in me? I told him to fuck off, and go fuck himself, or something like that, then broke down crying in shame later when no one could see.

That's about how it goes with me and Willie.

You wanna get Willie fired up? I mean, see him let it all hang out? I know how, I've been doing it for years, I guarantee it's why his squat hasn't gone up... Nobody tells him he can't do it anymore. Every time I talk to him, I tell him how I'm going to beat him, he calls me dumb and delusional, but I will find any way I can to compete against the guy.

He thrives on proving people wrong, he loves it, lives for it. He still remembers his school teachers telling him how he'd never be anything, and no he makes more money then them and actually helps people, not the retarded way school teachers do, he gets them into shape, as fast as they'll allow, and all they have to do is keep and open mind and not piss him off.

When I trained with those guys it was easy, scream for Jay to be number 1, because that's why he trains, and tell Willie he couldn't do it, and then you'd see him really try, for Kade, just chill out, he's got that shit. I'm the same way, it took me a long time to actually be able to use encouragement, I can now, I love proving people wrong, it's more fun, but Willie made a life out of it.

I've got a hundred Willie stories, me and Dave Heisel had an entire table full of younger guys hanging on our every word because we were talking about him... My own guys just dying to hear about Willie... we've got some good memories.

Willie is the guy who'd ask for you help moving, do most of the work, buy you a pizza, say thanks and mean it, then get a ticket the next day and blame you for it... which actually happened, it was pretty funny. He was also the first guy I know who used the naked man, this was back in the early 2000's and it worked.

Without Willie, I might not have met my gf. When Megan got here, she asked me who to train with on facebook, I never looked at her pictures, and didn't realize she was hot as shit and not some dumptruck, so I told her about my guys, Willies place, Curds, Orleans, all the hot spots. She told me later, she'd met Willie when her was younger, and there was no way she was training with him, she didn't know he's chilled out... kind of, and is in a serious relationship now, so she came to the YMCA.

 When I found out Megan was hot, I immediately told her we were going out on a date, used all of Willies moves, loudly proclaimed "We are not having sex tonite! don't even try" and constantly made fun of her for trying to get me into bed on the first date. I took her to a restaurant Willie showed me, ordered for her, held her hand and told her it was in case she slipped on ice... it was September, then back to her place, where I used one of Nera's old moves, and the rest is history.

So basically, Willie got me into powerlifting, taught me a shit load when we weren't fighting with each other, and got me the girl of my dreams in a round about way.

Boo yeah.

disclaimer/warning

Just because I'm actually getting a lot of page views, I wanted to add a disclaimer, I've just always wrote in my training log like this, and I've just started to consider training the same as everything else, and honestly I like it a lot better that way. I need to be ready to swicth gears to business mode pretty quick, but for the most part, I just prefer to stay wide open, there are conflicts because of it, but more of the kinds you want, and a lot less of the annoying ones. Trust me. But just remember it's all in good fun, some of my friends thought I was angry, just imagine me smiling saying all of this if that helps.

But what I was thinking about tonite was a new kind of meet, something I want to talk with Willie Albert about, but basically, a front squat, overhead press, chin up meet. For a whole different kind of total. Call it whatever, crossfit is kicking powerliftings ass anyways. It's pretty cool, I'm more interested in Rich Froning than any powerlifters I know. I watched the top two guys day of training, they do more than most people do in a 2 weeks in a day... It was pretty incredible, and I'm starting to feel very under trained lately, they made their sport cool, and people just dove right in. I'm loving it.

This is the kind of meet an athlete would want to do, I'd call it an athlete today. I know they do it for time in crossfit, a meet would be cool, and a huge market for crossfit guys

I think it would be cool, and something I'd like to do. I can get 30 people out for that. Just in Ottawa. I can talk the YMCA into allowing it, because it will be a giant magnet for memberships, and we'd stay out of the way.

Thing is, this would be a great way to guage and athlete, the power clean is taught so poorly, you need a good coach, and that's hard to find. this could be done easier, and would just make for good athletes, no matter what the sport, and would just reinforce better posture.

I want to put it on with Willie, cause it would just be good for both of us, the guys that have money for training and can make their times training with him, some would train with me, but either way, just keeping guys competing is good for all of us. Plus I think I could get 30-40 people out if I worked at it.

mini max day off training 2

Warm up - front squat

went up to a 315 single, ouch. But very happy with the form, and this will likely just help me stay injury free leading up to Jan 14, I'm just going for small PR's, or even maintain, I'm just going to compete. I plan to front squat 315ish every off day, maybe less, but just enough so that it's heavy enough to relax my quads, they're so tight these days, nothing but the tension of a heavy squat can really get them to relax. It doesn't make sense, but it's how most high level guys are I think.

Cool down - stretching, sauna, fighting a cold.

Why I love Visalus

So, I worked myself into mental, physical and emotional exhaustion, and hit brunout for like the millionth time, I developed fibromyalgia like symptoms because of it, and I can guarantee I could have been disgnosed with it when I was doing Willie Alberts max on squats everyday program. Wiki it... that's what it feels to either hit a 500 single, or do 10 singles with 405 every single day.. that shit hurts, but it also made my posture amazing.

I hit bottom so hard, that I had a nervous breakdown, I was telling my sister weeks before how I wasn't sure how much longer I could hang on with all the stress that was on my plate, and it was a lot. My painting business this year sucked, I wasn't up for the challenge, and I chose shitty leadership and trained shitty employees when I knew better. I've got guys running around screaming at the top of their lungs how they should be in charge of my team, and telling me how they never make mistakes, and if they ever failed it was politics... yeah, I keep a square mile from that unacountable loser. I can't stand people that can't take accountability for themselves, people you can aplogize to, but are just too pathetic to accept it. Small people.

I got locked away from everything I cared about, and I had no freedom. This is a mindfuck like you can't believe. I didn't have to be in ass rape jail to lose my freedom, it fucking sucks, and don't ever comment on it unless you've had your rights and freedom taken away. This taught me fear like you can't believe, I will always be working to keep my freedom from now on.

Then I had a Dr, I would write and write to everyday, telling him how I was feeling, telling him my story, who wouldn't read anything I wrote, would chat for 15 minutes to me, then talk about medications... and as soon as I could, I just got the fuck out... sorry, but I was surrounded by 41 sincerely crazy people, that place makes you scared and paranoid, and it was a prison of the mind. Yeah, I bailed right the fuck out, you would too, trust me. I had the choice to let down my family and trust this tool box, or help my family, and see this guy for what he was, someone with a title, who made excuses. I've seen enough of those to know when someone is real, and when someone is a loser.

So now, I'm sitting here, wondering why the hell I keep doing all this crappy stuff, surrounding myself with losers with dumb haircuts, and making poor choices, so I figure why not just dive right in with Visalus, and just live the life of my dreams. I've been broke forever, I've made piles of money, then when i wasn't watching had a business partner drain my bank account to buy some stupid car she didn't need, and use my money to go on vacations and have getaways with secret boyfriends, when I was sitting at home working.... that was what success was to me, just having someone stomp on you.

So why not? all I have to do is enjoy living and it should happen. and I'm looking for you, if you're reading this, you likely have an open enough mind to be someone I'd enjoy working with, the first 6-10 people I bring on are people I want to work with, or I'm not bringing them on. My friend, brought on the most negative promoter I've ever seen, who begged us for help, then when we tried she ran away and made us into the bad guys... I learned a hard lesson there, one I know very well, that the best intentions can cause the greatest harm. so I'm just bringing on people I like, end of story.

Here's the deal, I'm looking to become Matt Britt, what that means is I'm going to make a fuck load of cash, but nothing crazy, Matt has Jason O'toole under him and he make a couple million a year doing this... Matt Britt is just a normal guy with a beard and a hot girlfriend... I can be Matt Britt, easy. He speaks very well, so do I. He's a strong leader, and I keep a team of 12ish guys together with nothing but my presence and my voice, and everyone follows my lead because I am a servant leader. Google it. I'm Matt Britt in action fuck.

Just don't give me shit about the beard I grew, I don't want to become Britt that bad, notice I have better hair, but I grew it in honor of my friend Darshan, and we speak about our beards quite frequently. His is magnificent, but I wear mine as a tribute to another culture, and to remind me, we only think this way in North America... and I look damn good in it too.

What do I need from you? I just need you to want to live life, be healthy and prosperous

LIFE- just enjoy what you're doing, and not do the things you "should", I want you to want it... it should be "I want this"... if it's not that, rethink your plan.

HEALTH- I've lost my health a few times now, it's because I've lost it can I truly appreciate it. Maybe you haven't lost your health, but I can take you to places where you'll love your new level of health, I have various ways to do this, and I'll help you find the one for you.

Prosperity - whenever people think about this one they immediately go negative, so think about it like this... what if money wasn't a factor, what would u do? I guarantee this is possible, and i'll show you how to make whatever amount of money you want, whether it's 1k a month, or a 100k a month, I can show you how, the rest is up to you.

I'm going to be getting in touch with everyone I know, if you see me calling, and you don't want to talk, just tell me no, I won't be offended, really. but if you are interested, then I'll show you where to go, I won't tell you to do anything, it's all on you and your choice, if you ask for my opinion I'll give it to you, but won't freak out if you don't follow it, but be prepared to be challanged, and prepare to hear it like it is.

I recently lost the first member of my powerlifting team, because that younger man couldn't face reality, so he ran... it's very sad to me, but I trust he'll come around once he grows up, or he'll come around and i'll guide him to being a young man.

Either way, I'm pumped, might not call you tonite, I've gotta train at 6, then I'm taking a hip hop class at 830 tonite, I've always wanted to learn how to dance, and my next post will be about all the things I plan to do if you chose to support me. Remember, give first, then be ready to receive, and I'm completely ready to give myself to you completely, and I know if I do it right, I'll get it all back in exactly the way I choose to receive.

Mini cycle week 1 day 2

Oh man, ouch. This is tough. The weights are light, and I'm just dying. It's not the weights, just the total volume is pretty big and I'm just getting my feet underneath me. I put a video together tonite, just something I was working on. I'm trying to time the internal rotation of my femurs with different parts of the lifts, it's really cool, and I feel is the proper way to squat right now. It's tricky to remember to still push my knees forward and out on the way down, but as soon as I let go of the internal rotation, my knees just fly out,  I push them out as well, then I internally rotate after parallel and just glute and hamstring that shit out. It feels amazing. My knees come in, and I just understood why that happens, it's a good sign, and a good indicator that the longer your legs are the more you need to point your toes out, and have a higher level of flexibility. Think Konstantin pozdeev in his latest video of 880 in belt and wraps. I think this is why, even as I went past parallel, I haven't been able to get past 500 without cutting depth. This weekend sucked, but I still feel I was good for around 530 no matter what if I hadn't taken that week off, but I'll get a chance to put up for shut up January 14. I'm going to be 110's I think, I'm pounding like 100g of BCAA's a day, the Elite recoup at fitshoppe is amazing. I love and use all the Visalus products, but this one is also just amazing, the most exciting supplement I've ever seen. I drink a ton of water now, and I'm very well hydrated, and you can have 20g in a drink no problem, I actually struggle to get enough protein in now that I can utilize it so much better, I love Shakes right now, Before it wasn't a hot idea, but the BCAA's just up the rate of protein synthesis so much that I can use so much more, or just better use the protein I eat now, usually it's pretty low and you can only assilmilate like 20-30 grams a sitting, but when you supplement like this, I'd love to see some literate on this, but I bet it's way higher. The other thing is the glutamine, since I've started to use this, I haven't had to rely on stimulants to get me up, I take 100g of caffeine before hand, it works fine, I try to take a nitric oxide booster on upper body days, but no caffeine, I find it just makes my joints feel better as I train. I've felt recovered very quickly from all my workouts lately, and I attribute this to proper posture, elite recoup, better training, drastic drop in overall caffeine intake, I have a coffee, and 100g pill, and neuros.. it's been great.

Warm up
75 hypers
75 face pulls

Front squat
bar, 95, 135, 185
225- sat into my hamstrings like a squat suit
275- just flet up
315- was so much more comfortable and upright
-going to do these everyday i train, so 4 times a week, I want to push this number up to 405, but no rush.

Back squat
225,315,365
335 5x7 -  this was a lot harder than you'd think. good weight to work on technique though.

bench press - heels down - just seems like a better idea for 4 times a week benching. weights felt fine, as they should, but by 7 it wasn't easy. Started really interally rotating my arms, think eblow tuck, without the tuck, this felt right,easier to get my hands out. Starting to feel really good about these.
225 5x7

Pull from knee
365 3x7
- I was gassed, but really worked on internally rotating at the knee, I think I come off the floor fine, but I'll work on that next.

Lat pull downs- once again, really rotated intead of pulled, felt my lats of the first time in my life... pretty pumped. Looking forward to applying this to chin ups

Showered and called it a day.

For the single mothers

I had a good friend come up to me the other night in the gym and tell me my blog post made her cry. This poor young woman is a dynamo, but just beats herself up like you can't believe. I see it so clearly, she's a single mother, works around 5 jobs, and just kills herself. I tried to sell her on Visalus, but she sold herself on "if you aren't working as hard as you can - you're wrong"

My mom could bascially be mother Theresa, and I know nothing about Mother Theresa... right now.

My mom grew up in a huge family, and she lost her mother at a young age. My dad always tells me what a wonderful woman grandma was, I wish I could have met her. Losing grandma really killed my mother, she was just like me, she wanted to do anything to please her parents, and she taught me that as well. Mom was raised in a huge family, where Dad always did his best, and it was wrong to complain. This was passed down to me, to the point where I've had pancreatitis, a condition they put people on Morphine for, and after it set in, I rolled through it for about a month, puking and not being able to sleep for the pain, and I never said anything until I started puking blood... My bad.

Mom married when she was 19 to my father, and to this day, she always tells me how much fun Dad was, and she's never had more fun with anyone. Of course she did, my Dad is a leader and a lover, a really family,man. She started in Dentistry, then eventually moved into being the vice president of a 10 million dollar company. Mom was a worker, who loved her family, and if any of the guys complained she was on top of that right away.

In her spare time, she was a founding member of the youth underground? I can't remember the name. But, basically, a young girl was killed in our hometown, so my mom and a Dr, teacher, police officer and a few others go together to set it up. It was a place where young kids could go to hang out. i spent a lot of time there when I was young. They had this giant club house for all these kids, tv, video games, kitchen, everything, and volunteers made sure kids didn't get into trouble.

There was my mom, hanging out with all the thugs of my hometown, letting them bum a smoke, and just listening to them while they chatted away. My mother is described as the sweetest woman you'll ever meet, and just has a need to please. It's hilarious looking back, but she did so much for those kids.

Don't get me wrong, my mother is all woman, and all mother, but in her spare time from being a leader in a huge metal fabrication plant, she built houses, and was arm to arm, shoulder to shoulder with a bunch of grungy old men, and they all loved her. She would be shoulder to shoulder with all the guys in the plant, and they just loved her.

My mother has organized the building of around 30 houses from the foundation up, she is way way more handier than me, and a great gift for me my mother is either some sort of tool, or a gift card to a hardware store.

Speaking of gifts, it's impossible to shop for that woman, I've seen her bonus cheques in good years, it was around $350k... she took that money, put it in the bank, then shopped at the local dollar store for groceries and went to Giant Tiger for clothes. No joke. It's not that she's cheap, it's that she just doesn't care about the money, sincerely, money is something she needs, she's set herself up to retire, and she never will, I have to fight her every year to buy her snow plowing in the winter when I have the cash, it's that my mother is only concerned with 1 thing. The love of her family. That's it that's all. She is a mother right to her toe nails.

She always asks me if I'd move home, I'm 27 and she'd have me in there in a second, cooking and cleaning for me and generally making me more uncomfortable with love I never feel like I've earned, from a woman I feel like I'll never be able to live up to.

That was the big part of my parents divorce. My mother is a small business owner, who desperately loves her family and friends, my father is an entrepeneur, who is a family,man. When things got tough, my dads soul died with the business, when things got tough, my mother didn't care, she shops at the fucking dollar store, money means nothing to her as it means nothing to me, or my father. But she couldn't understand the ownership my father felt, every single guy in that plant was an entitled sack of shit, who whined and complained and dumped it on my mother all the time because they were too chicken shit to go to my father with their concerns. I understand because I was like that too. I was that entitled piece of shit.

When the layoffs started, the guys would be all over my mother, trying to get them to see their side, hoping they wouldn't get laid off, just dumping dumping dumping... on my mother? that's torture for that woman, her hearts beats for her children, and those men were her children. She began to resent my father, as we all did at the time, and Dad got lonely.

It's so lonely being the leader, you won't believe it until you are it... and when you take accountability for every single person underneath you, and become their mistakes so they don't ever have to feel the way you feel, you'll understand... be careful, if you think this is you, there's a good chance you aren't the leader... if you don't think this is you, there's a 10% chance you're the leader... and that's who the real leaders are. You can have that title, and still not be the leader, trust me.

Dad did some dumb shit, and when your whole world hates you, yeah, you do some dumb shit. I've been in his shoes, his exact same shoes, when your partner doesn't understand your pain, because they sincerely can't... you go somewhere else for the love you need. I spent 6 months in couples counselling to learn this, and it wasn't until a few years later I understood. It wasn't until i made my fahters mistakes did I learn.

The thing is, my parents divorce is the best thing that's ever happened to either of them.

My mom is free to find the guy she can share the rest of her life with, and my mother is so beautful, as soon as men found out she was single our phone was ringing day and night. I was on a canoe trip and a guy who had done work for my mom found out about the recent divorce, and his head whipped around, and he exclaimed "your parents are divorced?!!?" he realized what he did, and gave his condolences immediately after, but added to say hi for him to mom.... they dated for a few months.

I had a conversation with my good friend Paul, I met him December 2nd, I asked him for help finding someone, and he invited me into his home, and we spent about an hour together talking about love and marriage. He explained it to me like this, he had a huge family, worked 3 jobs for them and was married, but told his wife openly she was not his true love. He wanted to live, learn and pass it on, then after that he felt he could find his true love. I asked him about it, and why he wasn't trying to find her right now, and he said, God would let him know when he was ready for it, but until then, he loved his family and he was going to provide for them. I'd known Paul for about an hour, and he was like an angel, he invited me into his home, 5 minutes after he met me, and I left with a copy of the bible he gave to me, and had a picture of jesus on his wall in his tiny cramped office.

That's another way i forgave my mother and father for ending their marriage. They were married at 19, they were the only people they'd ever been together with, they built an amazing family, then a truly amazing business with a family attached to it. They lived, learned and passed it on, then it was time to find their true loves. My dad found his earlier than my mother, but mom has now lived the life of a 20 year old in the early 2000's, she's been on piles of dates, loved lost love, and just lived the way she needed to. My mother is an amazing woman.

This is one of the reasons I despise weak women. Please don't get me wrong, I love women, I love femininity, I love mothers... but I hate when women try to embrace weakness. Women bring life into the world, that takes such a strength that men can't understand... when women give their power away as something they don't want or need.. I despise it, not them, i despise that standard in our society.

I think about Matt Britt, and the thing is Matt Britt isn't Matt without Mia St-Aubin. I'd heard all about her before I met her, everyone told me how beautiful she was, how lovely she was, they never realized they were describing her as their own mothers, she's amazing. beside every strong man, is their other half, they don't make up for their weaknesses, they compliment their strengths, and the man loves her enough to let her know his own weaknesses, and the woman will believe in him enough to whisper in his ear to calm down when he needs to hear it, and she's strong enough and brave enough to do it.

Please, don't get me wrong, I talk about man and woman, but it can be man to man, woman to woman, I just don't care about that stuff, that's why there are buffets, some people like steak, some people like chicken, it's all food.

I think of another mother I know with no children of her own, who is so passionate about family she created one out of thin air. She lost her mother the way mine did, but I feel a connection to her that not many people will be able to understand. When you lose a family member to schizophrenia, you might understand, the person you loved is gone, and there's just a shell left... you pray they'll come back to you, but it's out of your hands. It tears you apart like you can't believe. I blamed myself over and over, I blamed myself for not being a good enough big brother, for not being Kevin Cancian whose brother is his best friend, and is a man I couldn't be. It took giving myself schizophrenia to understand, it wasn't ever in my hands, but it was all in my hands. Being nagative and positive isn't enough, you have to be the balance between the two, the balance saved my life. I pray this mother can learn to forigve herself, but I don't know, and I'm scared for her, but it's not my place to step in, Matt Britt taught me that lesson HARD, but I learned it. The greatest harm can come from the best of intentions... I've lived that one a few times before I could learn it, but Matt put his foot down like a good father, and trusted me to learn why he did so. Thank you Matt.

I think about my former partner Katrina, she was my mother, they get along like peas in a pot. They have that same need to please everyone, and it never goes away, that's why I trust her always, she's always going to love you, and she will never ever stop. She just doesn't care. The thing that amazes me about Katrina, is her ability to grow and keep on growing, I saw her in her first year of business, fish in water making connections with people, but no idea how to follow through. That's when i met her, she sold everything and anything, and I stepped in and handled the customers and painters, and ran the rest.

This year, we went solo, and ran into all the problems we always do when we don't work together, she had customer and painter problems, I had sales problems... but we killed ourselves to bring our weaknesses up, and now we're complete without each other, and can move on to new heights.

To all the women out there, I love you all, I love the strength I see in you, and thank you.