How to let go

I'm in a position where I've been constantly coaching the youth of today. I've directly coached over 200 people, and I'm talking 1 on 1. I've noticed 1 thing from all of these encounters, they're just like me, and you. We're just like our parents, but all the literature for helping people is based on a world where we don't have social media, and we aren't so connected.

With marketing the way it is, we're bombarded with who we should be, and who we want to be, and we are very ashamed that we aren't like that. Chuck Palahnuik constantly touches on this in his work.

I talked with a young woman today, who is just simply amazing, on the inside and out. She's physically one of the most beautiful women I've ever met in my entire life, she's so beautiful I consider her as attractive as the woman I'm in love with.

And what I really find interesting about this young woman, is she's a hustler, through and through. She exemplifies the mindset I always term, always happy never satisfied. She's a small business owner, and works crazy hours, as all small business owners do. She has amazing pets, and anyone who loves a dog is ok in my books, anyone who's trained a dog understands that they are just unconditional love all the time. I recently got my first dog from my girlfriend, and had to work to train her so she was comfortable with me, and it was hard at first, I didn't want to be mean to her. But then I understood, giving her fear and letting her know something displeased me was my way of letting myself love that dog, and letting her love me. Otherwise, she just jumps me 24/7.

Something else I love about this young woman is how seriously she takes her health. She understands her body represents the choices she makes, and she has taken this to an extreme, and I love how she puts her beliefs on the line and steps out in front of the world and proves it. I've seen her squat, she has my respect, and I've seen her glutes, she does it the right way.

She's been in the gym, and every single guys head turned, every guy on my team asked me about her, and I told every single one of them to get their heads right and focus... but honestly, if she came in the gym and they didn't look I'd be worried. For me, the physical is not enough, it sure does feel good and look good, but it's just not enough.

I didn't get interested in this girl until I saw more of what was on the inside. She has a library of self improvement books, and I've seen her at seminars. She has a hunger to learn, and for me, that quality far outweighs any physical qualites by a lot. To back it up, she's always very positive on facebook, and constantly turns her frowns upside down.

I was speaking to her today, and it was like I was talking to myself not long ago. Every person I've met has nothing but positive things to say about her, and she's come up in conversation a lot, people notice her energy. But she's very down on herself, and constantly feels that there's something wrong with her.

I can relate, in 2007 I made a very serious deal with myself, at my lowest point, that I'd give myself until i was 27 and if I couldn't figure it out then I was going to call it a day. But until then, I was going to let it all hang out, and just let it happen. I thought about my worst fears, and all the shame I felt around it... and I decided to ignore it, and go after what I really wanted. I was the production manager for a 200k business immediately after, then a partner for a 275k business the following year... this is in a 4 month operating period. I've now been responsible for over a million dollars of painting now, but until recently I still felt like a failure. I had a list of how I wanted to look, and what I wanted to list at the same time, I had accomplished all of it, and I still felt like a failure. I'd seen a therapist, who coached me on positive self talk for a year straight, until he told me I didn't have to come back anymore, and I still felt like a failure. I watched the secret over 1000 times now, and I knew to talk positively to myself, and I still felt like a failure.

I know how she feels. I don't, I have a completely different life, but a fisherman always sees another fisherman from afar.

I could list all these things that she COULD improve on. She detailed them to me here and there, and she does more in a day by noon then most people do in their entire day, I bet she works around 80 hours a week, yes training and eating is work for her.

So how do you make the switch?

For me, I personally had to learn about my parents, and forgive them completely to be able to let go. I had to learn how to forgive. I had to understand, that we're all made of atoms, and see the impossible happen on a daily basis to believe. I grew a true family around myself, became the leader, became my father, then grew young men better than me.

I see this all the time, many young people will procrastinate because of perfectionism... don't get hung up on the term please, it's just terminology.

You see, we're born perfect. Our parents raise us, a lot like you would a dog, giving pain and giving fear so that you have a frame of reference for pleasure.

I learned to forgive myself for being human, I learned to understand what my negative thoughts and feelings really were... just a frame of reference. We're taught to be scared of pain, I learned how to embrace pain, and through embracing pain, I understood that it would lead me to pleasure.

Now I can tolerate anything if I see the pleasure in it. Your why? doesn't have to make you cry if you can do this, once you can understand that you are already perfect, and you're the only one holding you back from believing it, then anything is possible. My why still makes me cry, it's to be whole again, and have a family. I've grown many families, now I understand, I just wanted to prove to myself I could, my own parents split mine right down the middle, and if I forgave one of them, I felt i was betraying the other. I love my parents so much, that this was just horrible for me. I was constantly conflicted, and I couldn't justify many of the things I did, that were totally normal, and instead decided that something must be wrong with me.

I'm a go getter, so I tried to fix myself over and over, and I did a ton of work, I put so much effort into myself it was crazy, I read John maxwell for the first time 7 years ago. I hungered to be around people better than me, and this brought me to totally new levels, but still, no matter how hard I tried, there was still something wrong with me.

It wasn't until I forgave my parents, forgave myself, and raised my pain tolerance to the level that I gave myself fibromyalgia from maxing out on squats daily, that I finally understood... My thoughts leaked out of my ears, I felt like I was losing my mind. I was dead sober, no drugs anywhere in my system at the time... and I was terrified. But my thoughts went away, and I realized all that was left, were my needs... my needs said to be complete, and to have a family. This is all that matters to me.

I was terrified to understand this, because if I really let go of my need to fix myself, who would I be?

I can assure you, you'll still be yourself, I can assure you, you'll find your soul mate, and every mistake you've made in your life, you will be thrilled about them because it brought you together. I can assure you, that your family will endure always. I can also assure you, that when you truly truly love your family, that no one else will matter. I can assure you, your family will see the best parts of you and love you unconditionally, and accept your flaws, and you will still be loved.

I can tell you right now, all that matters to me is my family, and it's all I think about all day long, and I can't wait to grow my family, I can't wait to add to it, and I can't wait to show people that they will always be loved no matter what they had to go through to be a part of my family.

Remember, when you have doubts, just remember what you really need in life, and tell yourself, "he will understand, because if I didn't do that thing that makes me hate myself, I would never have found him. and without him, I would never have my family that loves me,"

Trust me, your soul mate and your family will undestand.